Something Out Of Nowhere -7-

One half of me is yours, the other half yours, 
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, 
And so all yours.

-William Shakespeare

Mansoor walked making his way to the patio when he heard a rumble from next door. He quickly looked and saw Hadeel also making her way to the door when the load she was carrying crashed into the ground. He involuntarily paced towards her to offer help. As he made his way he stopped for a second and wondered, should I? Maybe I should just go back, he thought. But then, two seconds later he decided he wouldn’t waste anymore time hoping for something to happen. So he went on… he reached for a box that was on the ground with a million things that found their way out of it. He gathered everything trying not to say a word and once he was finished he lifted the box and said, “Can I help you take them in?”

For a minute she was stunned, two whole years have passed and they did not say a word to each other and now he’s asking if he can help her get the boxes in her house? But then again, nothing was his fault. Why was she treating him this way? She never knew. After a long silent minute of stares and absent mindedness she replied “Umm, yeah sure. Come in.”

Hadeel unlocked the door very carefully to not drop anything else on the floor, and led him to the living room.

“You can put the box right here.” Gesturing to the wide coffee table in the middle of the room

“Alright”

As he walked past her in his pearly white thob and messy hair caused by the long hours being covered by the ghetra and egal, which he threw in the backseat of his car as usual. His scent found it’s way to Hadeel. Once she took a deep breathe, nostalgia hit her. Every single good or bad memory with him crossed her mind. She wanted to hug him right then and there. She stopped herself though. She took another deep breath trying to capture every essence of him. She missed him, she knew that. But she would never have the nerve to let him know. After all, she was the one that pushed him away all these years. Mansoor put the box carefully on the coffee table and started brushing his hands over his thob to clean it, as he stood straight. Once he made sure that it was spotless he turned around to face her.

“Anything else you need help with?” he said with a light curve in his lips.

“No, that’s the last of the boxes.”

“Oh ok.” He stood there, hoping that this wouldn’t end like this, that they would talk a bit more.

“Umm well, thank you for the help.” She said to break the silence as she gestured towards the box.

“Yeah sure, no problem.” He realized that what he hoped for wouldn’t happen, so he started making his way to the door.

Hadeel followed him silently. She watched him step out the door and she knew deep inside she didn’t want him to leave.

“Mansoor” She said almost as soon as he stepped out.

He turned around. “Yeah?”

“Would you like something to eat? I was just going to make me a sandwich.” she asked hesitantly.

He stood for a minute as if arguing with himself if he should or should not stay. But then said “Only if it’s the turkey sandwich you used to make me when we were kids.”

He blurted the words, and soon after Hadeel’s cheeks turned into the brightest shade of pink. She smiled and led him to the kitchen quietly. After pouring both of them a glass of water, Mansoor sat at the kitchen table while Hadeel made the sandwiches. He couldn’t believe it; he was finally back into her house. The house that held a million beautiful memories, the house they played hide and seek in, and watched movies all day. The house he so badly wanted to be in more than a couple of time these past two years. And now he was in again. But what to do now? Was this just a thank gesture for helping her with the box or did she want to catch up with him. Did she want to get back to being the best friend he knew his whole life? Or was it just a hello and goodbye kind of thing. He didn’t know what to think. But hey, he was in her house, now it time to take matters into his own hands.

“So, how have you been?” he asked, hoping to start a conversation.

“I’ve been good, and you?”

“Am managing.”

She finished making the sandwiches and sat facing him on the kitchen table. That was when she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She wanted to know everything about him, everything that has been happening for the past few years, how was he, how was his parents, his brothers, she wanted to know every single detail. And he was nothing but thrilled about it. He sat there talking for hours none stop. Like it’ll all be over the next day, like they want to enjoy each other’s company before the day ends and whatever this is, ends with it. They kept talking and laughing, and every once in a while she would laugh and put her hand on his arm, and that’s when his heart would skip a beat. He smile, she laughed. He talked, she replied. And that’s how it was for 3 straight hours. Since her dad was working late that night and her brother was out with his friends, and her little sisters was at her cousin’s, the house was very quiet and they were alone. After talking for three hours, they both suddenly went silent. She looked down at the table and the empty plates while he looked at her. He kept staring at her and trying to download as much of her as he can into his mental hard drive, so that if this never happens again, he would remember how her long brown hair swayed when she talked and moved, also how her eyes would widen when she would tell an exciting story, and how her lips would move emphasizing every word she says. Everything about her was breathtaking and he couldn’t help but notice that.

“I’ve missed you so much” he whispered, in conflict of whether he should say so or not.

She looked up at him, eyes red from the tears she tried pushing back. “I miss you too.” She said with an even lower voice.

After a minute or so of silence, they got back to talking about everything in their lives and how they both have been, until it got dark outside. And that was a sign for Mansoor to leave.

He waved goodbye as he walked down the patio stairs and said, “We’ll talk soon, I hope.”

She smiled and replied “No doubt about it.”

Mansoor practically flew home and on to his bed thinking about nothing but her until he was sound asleep. And Hadeel? She had a weird feeling in her tummy that she couldn’t explain. But, it made her happy, and for the first time since the accident she felt that she didn’t have to let out her sadness on a paper because today she wasn’t feeling sad. She smiled wide, and went to sleep.

In The Other Neighborhood

Now I see why he’s crazy about her. She’s beautiful. Oh god why can’t I stop thinking about her? This is not right! I have to see her again, I just have to.

Khalid tried pushing out the thoughts of her, but alas, he couldn’t… that day, he went to sleep thinking about the girl he saw. Hadeel.

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Something Out Of Nowhere -6-

Dancing in the moonlight, holding her very close and never wanting to let go. She sank very deep into his eyes and wondered. how did I get so lucky? He straightened his arm and she twirled out and then back and drowned into his chest. She hugged him as they swayed to the sound of the gentle music in the background. They danced with no one around, just the two of them. They know that this was meant to be; they knew that they wanted each other, not just for now… but forever.

Mansoor woke up. Upset that he did and very glad that he dreamt of her. The only person he’s ever wanted to be with. With a smile on his face he got up and got ready for the day ahead. It was Sunday and to everyone, Sundays are the worst, first day of the week and that meant that he had to go to work. He got all cleaned up and dressed and headed downstairs to have his breakfast.

“Good morning” Said his mum. “You look very happy, anything good happened last night?”

He went to her and kissed her forehead and smiled, “Nope, I just saw the most beautiful face. You.” he winked at her and took his place on the breakfast table. As he started picking out things to eat from the wide variety of food in front of him, his two brothers came down. Each with what seemed like blown up hair and Pajamas.

“Well don’t you two look… umm… sleepy?” Mansoor commented with a smirk.

“Shut up, pass the eggs.” replied Hamad, yawning.

They all laughed and continued their breakfast peacefully.

After Mansoor got to work his boss handed him a bunch of papers to finish up and he was going through them thoroughly until he got Khalid’s call.

“Hey dude listen, come out I’m at your place dropping of your shirt that you left at my place last night.” Khalid said through the phone.

“Khalood are you kidding? I’m at work. Call one of my brothers and they’ll come out for you”

“Oh I totally forgot, alright alright. Later.”

“Bye”

Khalid stepped out of his car and walked towards Mansoor’s house after talking to one of his brothers. Once he got to the patio the door opened and Hamad came out still just as he was during breakfast. Khalid smiled and handed him the shirt, they chatted for a while about Hamad’s university and how it was going and then he left. As he was walking towards his car he turned around to see Hadeel’s house. Why have I never seen the girl that Mansoor always talks about? He wondered. He was suddenly very curious, but didn’t know what to do about it. And just when he turned away to get in the car and leave. Hadeel came out in her trainers to go for a jog. She had her hair tied up in a ponytail and i-pod headphone in her ears.

He suddenly took a step backwards and kept looking at her, and when she caught him looking he turned around and got into the car. He placed both his hands on the stirring wheel, inhaled “Oh Wow.” And he exhaled.

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Something Out Of Nowhere -5-

I saw him today. The same person I gave up being friends with years ago. He looked at me the same way he did the last time we spoke. I couldn’t gather my nerves to say hi. I don’t know why. Please forgive me; please forgive me for all I’ve done. I’ve hurt you and I know it; I just can’t talk to people anymore, I’m not that same person you knew. Not the same girl who’d put all her worries behind her once she’s seen you. You’ve been the greatest friend, and that said, friends are never not friends if they’re apart. I still count you as mine, and I hope you feel the same way. Don’t hate me for what I’ve done; it’s not in my hands. I can’t tell you that I know how you feel nor can I be your friend anymore, only because I know that that’ll hurt you even more; to be friends with a person who’s not who you think she is. I hope you can forgive me.

Hadeel wrote down in her diary eagerly, wanting to let everything out. Since she saw him she felt guilty, and couldn’t shake the feeling that he hated her. Not only because of leaving him, but also because she saw him today and didn’t approach him at all, not even to say hi. She felt very bad and she wished that she could go back in time to fix her mistake; because now, if they talked it’ll only be awkward and it’ll never be the way it used to. Once something was broken it was hard to fix, and even if it was, it’ll never be as it used to.

She put the pen down trying to take a breath. She got up and walked to the window to open and get some air. But there he was. In his room sitting on the couch doing nothing… just nothing. He was sitting there, thinking maybe? What was he thinking about? She thought.

What are you thinking Mansoor? Are you thinking about those good old days? The days when you and I cared about nothing? When we did everything together? When people would always ask us if we ever fought? And when I used to cry when you took that very last cookie? You can’t even imagine how much I want those days to come back. I need you, but I can never say that. Not after everything. It’s hard for me, I hope you can understand that. Ever since the accident and every single thing has been hard for me to do. I hope you can understand, and that one day we can be friends again.

And that’s when he got up from the couch and came towards his window. He saw her standing there, absent minded but definitely looking his way. Was she watching me? He thought.

She came back to reality and saw him. Now they were both looking at each other. As awkward as it felt for Hadeel, she didn’t want to move, and neither did Mansoor. He put his palm on his damp window, and kept staring at her.  After a long internal conflict, so did she. She put her palm on her window, and stood there. They were reaching for each other. Each one of them knowing how hard it is to be without the other. Then, she gave him that same faint smile she gave him earlier, but now, he smiled back. Wanting her to understand how much he has missed her, he signaled for her to wait, and she did. He got a piece of paper and a marker, he wrote on the paper and then showed it to her. She slowly read and felt the tears accumulating in her eyes. She stood there for another minute. Then she smiled, and turned away.

He stood there… feeling good. Even though she didn’t reply he knew that he did a huge thing today and that gave him a sense of accomplishment. He knew that things are on the verge of changing. To the better, he hoped. He slept that night very satisfied, and for the first time in so long he slept smiling. And well Hadeel, spent all night on her bed thinking about what was written on that paper and hoping that he truly meant it. That one paper that held a million emotions. She closed her eyes imagining it. A plain white paper with simple letters that spelled “I Miss You”.

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Something Out Of Nowhere -4-

One breezy summer day, he was standing just in front of his house chilling with his friends. Of course, not being able to keep his eyes off of her house. He knew that in about 15 minutes she should be coming out to go to her grandmother’s just like she did every Saturday. As they were talking she was brought up and he was suddenly back in the conversation.

“So, she’s still not talking to you huh?” asked Mayed curious, after he noticed him staring at her house.

“What? No, why?” he answered, confused.

“Just wondering. Its weird how you guys don’t talk anymore, you were like the childhood love birds or something.” Mayed shrugged and turned around to continue another conversation with Abdullah.

But, Mansoor couldn’t help but dwell over the point his best friend just made.

Mansoor

Seriously, what did I ever do? She blocked me out when the time came when I was supposed to be there for her. Never talking to me again, like it was my fault or something. Why was it that she did that? Come on Hadeel. Talk to me. Come out and talk to me! Tell me how much you miss me and how much you miss spending time with me. Tell me what I did wrong for you to shut me out like this. I want to know. No, I need to know. I want to make it up for you. I want to be there for you. Was it just me, or did you shut everyone out as well?

“Hey!!” yelled Khaled, snapping his fingers in Mansoor’s face.

“Huh? What?” he replied, startled.

“Could you please forget about her? It’s hard enough that for the first few months after it happened you never came out with us. And now, two years later you’re still never really with us, always thinking about her.”

For a second he didn’t speak. He didn’t really know what to say; his friend was right. Ever since she stopped talking to him, he stopped feeling anything towards anyone but her. He stopped caring about his friends’ feelings. He also stopped going out with them as often as he used to… He used to always think that going out and talking to girls wouldn’t matter as long as she was by his side and that he knew she wouldn’t leave him no matter what he does. But now, when she’s really gone. He felt like he couldn’t just go out and have fun, merely because if he enjoyed his day he wanted to be able to tell her about it and she’d listen. They never really were together as a couple, but everyone thought they were; they hung out 24/7 and if they weren’t together they’d be on the phone talking to each other. Their parents didn’t really mind because they knew that the nature of their relationship was just a friendship and that they’ve been best friends since they were in diapers. Of course, their parents would sometimes tell them to try staying away from each other a bit because it did not look good to the people who didn’t know them. And god knows everyone told them the same thing, but it was simply impossible.

Mansoor stayed quiet for the rest of the conversation, and he only gave his opinion when needed.

Khalid felt like he was a bit harsh on him so when everyone left, he stayed behind to apologize.

“I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean to upset you. But seriously, you need a hit on the head to start coming back to reality, she’s not coming back and you need to get your head around that.” He said.

“Yeah well… You know, maybe you’re right. I do need to forget her.” Mansoor didn’t really believe what he just said, but he wanted to say anything for Khalid to stop talking about it.

“Well then, see you tonight yeah?”

“Sure”

Khalid left. And just when he did, she came out. With her hair tied up in a ponytail, a little make up and that very simple abaya, He thought she looked magnificent. He stared at her for a minute and as she walked by she caught him staring. She stood for a minute as if arguing with herself if she should say hello. But then… she just gave him a faint smile, and walked away.

And with that smile, hope was born.

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Something Out Of Nowhere -3-

Ever since they were kids, he’s always chosen her to be his partner in games, or to do homework with when they came back from school. He always felt that it was her and no one else that can understand him. He knew that she didn’t know how he felt, nor she will ever know if he didn’t tell her. He always was the party guy, the guy who’s always out enjoying his night; he wasn’t much of a saint. He went to parties talked to girls, BUT they were never more than friends. He could never exceed that limit when it came to girls, and he always felt that as long as his parents met his “Girl” friends that it was fine. Well, then I guess now a days, that is a saint. But that does not change that fact that he was crazy for her. Hadeel. He woke up, thinking of her, and slept, thinking of her. Ever since they were kids until now. To him there was always that deep connection he never understood. That connection that won’t fade no matter how far she was and no matter how hard times have been for him, he can never forget her, not a single second. He knew he wanted her, but he didn’t care if he never saw her, nor did he care how she was dressed. He wanted her to love him back, to understand how he feels towards her. He has been living in this bubble since childhood, not really knowing if he’ll ever get out …

Dear diary,

I know this may sound a bit girlish, but I miss her. It’s not easy for me to open up and speak about my emotions; that’s why I write here. I write to let everything out. Not really about how my life is going or how I spent my day. I write about her. How beautiful she is, or how I remember when her eyes sparkle when she saw the ice cream truck when we were kids, or even how she cried because I took the last cookie. Although it killed me to see her cry, but there was something about her eyes when it was filled with tears, that took her beauty to a whole ‘nother level. I also remember how every time she saw me she ran to me, only to tell me about her day. I remember this one time, she was sitting on the side walk when we were thirteen and once I got home I saw her running towards me with tears in her eyes, and she hugged me. Wanting to get away from whatever that has upset her. I hugged her real tight and I gave her a promise. I said, “I promise, one day will come when you will never cry again; not because there won’t be anything that bothers you, but because I will be there for you”. From that moment on, I knew. I knew that I had to do everything to make her happy. But… ever since her mother’s accident I’ve never really spoken to her. I want to, but I never feel like she does. Does she love me back? I want to know. How does she remember me? Am I that knight in shining armor she used to imagine when we were children, or am I that monster that does nothing but scare her. I probably always write this; only because I believe that it will happen. It must happen. One day that girl will be mine, to love and to cherish. To protect from all evil and to keep a smile on that lovely face…

Nothing, and I mean nothing in this world is as gentle and as beautiful as she is. Her eyes, those big black eyes, were as beautiful as a dark night full of stars, Her skin, as soft as a baby’s cheek, and Her voice, a fine musical symphony. Love by all means was meant for her, and I by all means am in love with her.

His name was Mansoor, and Hadeel, has taken over his mind.

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Something Out Of Nowhere -2-

I never really understood it. Losing someone I mean, until I experienced it myself. People told me how horrible it was, even people who came to give their condolences told me how they knew how I felt. Do they really? How could they if they’re not me? How could they truly understand what I was and still am going through? Although I sometimes think that time heals all wounds, I also sometimes think that it’s almost impossible. I can’t forget.

My name is Hadeel. I have grown up to be the perfect daughter, the one who looks out for her family, and the one who would cook and clean whenever needed, yet now I feel so empty, i feel like whatever I do in this house makes no sense anymore. my father. He always tried his best to keep us well and healthy, but I can see it in his eyes. He’s tired. He wants everything to be over with. He wants us to grow up so fast so that he wouldn’t have to take care of us anymore. He wakes up everyday with the same face expression, with the same look in his eyes, he’s weary and he can’t take it anymore. He works at a very well known law firm; well he’s the owner. After losing the love of his life, his life turned into his work. As much as he tries to keep us happy, as much as we can feel the distance between him and us. Its like he can’t face us after she died. As weird as it sounds, I actually feel like he’s moving on faster than we are but in a path that is totally wrong. He’s barely home, and when he is, he tries his best to make us feel like he IS there, when he’s really not. Well, not with his mind at least.

My brother is the eldest. He’s 24 and graduated a year ago from university with a not very great mark. But still, the fact that he was able to continue that year was what I call wondrous. Maybe because he wasn’t that close to her as we were. But yet, it took him a long time to get over the horrible accident. I can’t say that I am very fond of my brother. Maybe because am really not. Although I should thank him, he has shown me a glimpse of hell on earth. That was mean, wasn’t it? But unfortunately true. Ever since he became seventeen I was suddenly not allowed to go out with my friends unless he said it’s ok, or I was not allowed to go out without a sheila even though my parents were fine with it. I never understood him really. Maybe, just maybe this is his own way of caring and trying to show it. What a weird way. As a child he was the kid who always got upset over the silliest reasons, and now once he’s all grown up… I can still see it.  Of course I love him, he’s my brother. BUT, I am not particularly crazy about him. We are what we are I guess.

Now we come to my little sister. I must say, she has the cutest laugh I have ever heard, and the prettiest eyes in the world. Her eyes? She takes after my mother. Big hazel eyes, with thick lashes and eyebrows. I’m pretty sure she’ll break some hearts once she’s all grown up. And well me? Just an extremely stubborn girl that can never get over her mother’s death. It just seems like every time I think about it, I can still hear her screaming, Hoping that someone will somehow help her, and when someone finally did. It was just too late. I loved her so much. The one person who ever understood me. I mean really understood me, was gone. I still go to my parents room sometimes, just sit there and cry. Hoping that somehow she would come back, but as we all know, that’s never going to happen.

Mum, wherever you are. Near, far. Looking over me or not. I love you, I miss you, and I need you so much.

She sat by the window just like every night writing in here diary, hoping that someday things would change for her and she would be happy, Genuinely happy. And just like every night, he sat by his window watching her write from afar, just wishing that he could do something to make her happy, To see her smile. But alas, he couldn’t. So, he just sat there looking at her and when she was finished he put his hand on the window as if reaching to her and said “One day Hadeel. One day.” 

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Something Out Of Nowhere -1-

An action. As simple as it can be, it may just change your life forever. Hard to believe? Okay, here’s an example. Just imagine walking into the grocery store and when you’re just about to check something out it falls, someone helps you with it. Your eyes meet, fireworks go off all around you, hearts start flying in the air. Then, you realize that you have met that one person that is able to change your life forever. Still don’t believe me? Here’s another example, you’re walking and you may not notice the cars all around you. You step off that sidewalk, the same sidewalk that if you have stepped off of only 2 seconds later everything might’ve been different, but here you are stepping off when a car comes racing towards you and BOOM! Your life changes.

Many people say that life changes only because we change or because we cause it or want it to change. But that’s not true. Things may happen when you least expect them. Things that you may not have done in a thousand years if you actually thought about it, but because of the fact that you did not think about it, they happened. Wow, can you imagine? Going through life not knowing what comes next? That’s hard to imagine, one second you’re laughing and enjoying your time and the next you might not even be there.

The beach. Some may say that the beach is very soothing, and to be honest that’s what I used to think from the moment I was born until 2 years ago. I used enjoy it so much, I hung out with my cousins, friends and family at the beach. Not ever thinking that something may go wrong. Until that day that turned all my family’s life upside down. A day in which I thought I wouldn’t survive. That same day that I thought I may never smile again. She was taken from me then. The most precious thing I have, the most precious creature in this universe was taken from me. Was it my fault? I always wonder. Or was it just meant to be, cruel fate they called it. Me? I call it wrong place at the wrong time. A perfect description for such a horrifying moment. Now imagine this, what is the most thing you love? Imagine it being taken from you and there’s nothing you can do about it. It hurts, not only me, but also every single person in my family, Or if I should even call it that. Not a day passes by when I don’t think about it. How horrible it was, how I felt every second of it, and how from that moment on, my family was no longer a family by all means. It was a bunch of people, who were blood related.

Death. It comes in the least expected moments. Not caring whether you’re a child, a grownup, a mother, a father. It just does what it’s supposed to. It sucks the soul out of your body and leaves your body there on earth. For people to grief, for them to never forget you, and to visit you always. But then, even that body is gone. Leaving no trace of your existence. Death. This is what it does. It separates families, breaks hearts, and causes a lot of sadness. But in the end, that’s what they call fate. And I, hadeel, believe in it.


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