Something Out Of Nowhere -2-

I never really understood it. Losing someone I mean, until I experienced it myself. People told me how horrible it was, even people who came to give their condolences told me how they knew how I felt. Do they really? How could they if they’re not me? How could they truly understand what I was and still am going through? Although I sometimes think that time heals all wounds, I also sometimes think that it’s almost impossible. I can’t forget.

My name is Hadeel. I have grown up to be the perfect daughter, the one who looks out for her family, and the one who would cook and clean whenever needed, yet now I feel so empty, i feel like whatever I do in this house makes no sense anymore. my father. He always tried his best to keep us well and healthy, but I can see it in his eyes. He’s tired. He wants everything to be over with. He wants us to grow up so fast so that he wouldn’t have to take care of us anymore. He wakes up everyday with the same face expression, with the same look in his eyes, he’s weary and he can’t take it anymore. He works at a very well known law firm; well he’s the owner. After losing the love of his life, his life turned into his work. As much as he tries to keep us happy, as much as we can feel the distance between him and us. Its like he can’t face us after she died. As weird as it sounds, I actually feel like he’s moving on faster than we are but in a path that is totally wrong. He’s barely home, and when he is, he tries his best to make us feel like he IS there, when he’s really not. Well, not with his mind at least.

My brother is the eldest. He’s 24 and graduated a year ago from university with a not very great mark. But still, the fact that he was able to continue that year was what I call wondrous. Maybe because he wasn’t that close to her as we were. But yet, it took him a long time to get over the horrible accident. I can’t say that I am very fond of my brother. Maybe because am really not. Although I should thank him, he has shown me a glimpse of hell on earth. That was mean, wasn’t it? But unfortunately true. Ever since he became seventeen I was suddenly not allowed to go out with my friends unless he said it’s ok, or I was not allowed to go out without a sheila even though my parents were fine with it. I never understood him really. Maybe, just maybe this is his own way of caring and trying to show it. What a weird way. As a child he was the kid who always got upset over the silliest reasons, and now once he’s all grown up… I can still see it.  Of course I love him, he’s my brother. BUT, I am not particularly crazy about him. We are what we are I guess.

Now we come to my little sister. I must say, she has the cutest laugh I have ever heard, and the prettiest eyes in the world. Her eyes? She takes after my mother. Big hazel eyes, with thick lashes and eyebrows. I’m pretty sure she’ll break some hearts once she’s all grown up. And well me? Just an extremely stubborn girl that can never get over her mother’s death. It just seems like every time I think about it, I can still hear her screaming, Hoping that someone will somehow help her, and when someone finally did. It was just too late. I loved her so much. The one person who ever understood me. I mean really understood me, was gone. I still go to my parents room sometimes, just sit there and cry. Hoping that somehow she would come back, but as we all know, that’s never going to happen.

Mum, wherever you are. Near, far. Looking over me or not. I love you, I miss you, and I need you so much.

She sat by the window just like every night writing in here diary, hoping that someday things would change for her and she would be happy, Genuinely happy. And just like every night, he sat by his window watching her write from afar, just wishing that he could do something to make her happy, To see her smile. But alas, he couldn’t. So, he just sat there looking at her and when she was finished he put his hand on the window as if reaching to her and said “One day Hadeel. One day.” 

Comment, let me know what you think.
Copy Rights Reserved To Sulfur AlSayegh.