Something Out Of Nowhere -5-

I saw him today. The same person I gave up being friends with years ago. He looked at me the same way he did the last time we spoke. I couldn’t gather my nerves to say hi. I don’t know why. Please forgive me; please forgive me for all I’ve done. I’ve hurt you and I know it; I just can’t talk to people anymore, I’m not that same person you knew. Not the same girl who’d put all her worries behind her once she’s seen you. You’ve been the greatest friend, and that said, friends are never not friends if they’re apart. I still count you as mine, and I hope you feel the same way. Don’t hate me for what I’ve done; it’s not in my hands. I can’t tell you that I know how you feel nor can I be your friend anymore, only because I know that that’ll hurt you even more; to be friends with a person who’s not who you think she is. I hope you can forgive me.

Hadeel wrote down in her diary eagerly, wanting to let everything out. Since she saw him she felt guilty, and couldn’t shake the feeling that he hated her. Not only because of leaving him, but also because she saw him today and didn’t approach him at all, not even to say hi. She felt very bad and she wished that she could go back in time to fix her mistake; because now, if they talked it’ll only be awkward and it’ll never be the way it used to. Once something was broken it was hard to fix, and even if it was, it’ll never be as it used to.

She put the pen down trying to take a breath. She got up and walked to the window to open and get some air. But there he was. In his room sitting on the couch doing nothing… just nothing. He was sitting there, thinking maybe? What was he thinking about? She thought.

What are you thinking Mansoor? Are you thinking about those good old days? The days when you and I cared about nothing? When we did everything together? When people would always ask us if we ever fought? And when I used to cry when you took that very last cookie? You can’t even imagine how much I want those days to come back. I need you, but I can never say that. Not after everything. It’s hard for me, I hope you can understand that. Ever since the accident and every single thing has been hard for me to do. I hope you can understand, and that one day we can be friends again.

And that’s when he got up from the couch and came towards his window. He saw her standing there, absent minded but definitely looking his way. Was she watching me? He thought.

She came back to reality and saw him. Now they were both looking at each other. As awkward as it felt for Hadeel, she didn’t want to move, and neither did Mansoor. He put his palm on his damp window, and kept staring at her.  After a long internal conflict, so did she. She put her palm on her window, and stood there. They were reaching for each other. Each one of them knowing how hard it is to be without the other. Then, she gave him that same faint smile she gave him earlier, but now, he smiled back. Wanting her to understand how much he has missed her, he signaled for her to wait, and she did. He got a piece of paper and a marker, he wrote on the paper and then showed it to her. She slowly read and felt the tears accumulating in her eyes. She stood there for another minute. Then she smiled, and turned away.

He stood there… feeling good. Even though she didn’t reply he knew that he did a huge thing today and that gave him a sense of accomplishment. He knew that things are on the verge of changing. To the better, he hoped. He slept that night very satisfied, and for the first time in so long he slept smiling. And well Hadeel, spent all night on her bed thinking about what was written on that paper and hoping that he truly meant it. That one paper that held a million emotions. She closed her eyes imagining it. A plain white paper with simple letters that spelled “I Miss You”.

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